I am 33 today and I feel like I have at most 50% of life remaining.

I know it's a day when I should be merry acknowledging how age has turned and what achievements I have made the past 365.25 days. The few weeks running up to my 33rd year of existence has been hectic but despite those time occupying hours, I still managed moments when I reflected not on the year that had passed but the years ahead.

And posted, "I am 33 today and I feel like I have at most 50% of life remaining."

I've been getting small signs of mortality every now and then when my chest hurts, and I get the feeling of clotting veins, experience occasional short of breaths, light headedness and not to mention the now infamous occasional severe back aches. They don't happen often but they happen often enough that wakes me up every time they do.

Then I think of death and how much it'd hurt in the interim to the hereafter. How much I'd miss the people I'll leave behind. Truth is, once I die, I'd be suffering so much that I don't think I'll even have time to think of the life I've left behind.

Then I think of the rewards of people who receives Allah's Favours and the followers of Muhammad, peace be upon him. I think of the promise of partners in heaven, the promise of such beautiful life that you'll never have to wonder again. The promise of eternity.

I am afraid. I feel fear as I write this down. I am not ready to leave now but I am not preparing myself enough either.

I am afraid..