- I'm taking a break -

but I do read emails :)

I have an addiction

TO FACEBOOK!!

Any kind of addiction is no good and I'm trying to run away from continuously being addicted. Except for the 'Fight' thing, I just can't stop myself from training my fighter and looking for opponents to challenge..

HELP!!

hahahaa...

It's never too early.

It's still too early to wish anything but never to early to seek forgiveness.

To all my friends, readers and visitors, I ask for your forgiveness should I have wronged you in any way throughout the days, months, years that we've known each other either verbally, in actions, in words and in writings. Please also forgive me for promises that I've not managed to keep, for truth that I've not managed to tell and for patience that I've not managed to give.

Please accept my humblest apologies.

On the other hand,

On the other hand, my mum has been keeping quiet about my blog, which is also not surprising knowing how she keeps things that she would rather not have anyone know to herself. Like, if I know that she reads my blogs, what are the chances that I'd stringently vet my postings in the future?

Almost none. But still, there's a chance that I would. So better not let me know that she reads them. But then again, she might even get a whiff of it from my dad. Wait. No, that's probably not so possible. I seem to observe that my parents keep certain things to themselves, things that they feel privvy to and most times things that I don't say out loud. It's like giving me the space and erm, (for lost of a better word) respect. I've got to learn that technique to quietly guide people to a certain direction and make them erm, believe that they were the ones who decided on that course of action.

Kadang-kadang tu, when I reveal a certain 'news' to the family (to me, revealing news to the family is a story/thought/idea that's almost a month old), I can see the quiet satisfaction on either parent's face because they knew of that news earlier than the other. It's like, "I knew that was coming earlier than any of you!". I guess it works not just for parents but also in relationships.

Relationships are not only about how much you love one another but also how much you're willing to incorporate your life and lifestyle so it would seamlessly fit the both of you, in good, bad, happiness, sadness, in the everyday life and in special occasions. It's also about sharing not just wealth but also ideas, feelings, emotions, stories and events. It's about always being around when the other needs you, for a shoulder, a hand, a hug. Sometimes it doesn't really matter that you're a hundred, four hundred, a thousand, multi thousand kilometers away, although in most times, a physical appearance would be best.

And in relationships, it would be wonderful if we know of stories of our loved ones before it was made known to others. It's not about having the one-up 'advantage', it's about being important enough to be informed first, before it becomes public.

And you know now that this has reached someone else before it was published here :)

Err..

I have this feeling that my dad's been reading my blogs. And it's not just recently that he did, it might've been since.. erm, many months ago. Many things changed during those months and I was surprised (although pleasantly, surprised I was, still) that those changes happened and wondered why, since these changes happened right after I blogged about it.

Until a few days ago when he mentioned (after talking about a particular topic) and I quote, "You can blog on this.." unquote.

Can I? Hehe..

It's me, it is!

Emotional Equations..

I realised that it's been a very long time since I wrote anything mentally stimulating (to me). For the past year or so, it's been about work and about things that I did/go through and some places I went but not much on perceptions, thoughts and opinions.

Until today, I wasn't in the right mind to write them. It takes some mental stimulation, some external input to lift me to a slightly higher level that would make me have to activate certain brain functions.

I've just read a blog written by Zahirah, one of my former students who was also my sister's friend/classmate in IIC. That blog ignited an opinion that lead to this blog.

We have been told time and again to be good to others because "what goes around comes around". Yeah, if you do bad and nothing bad happens to you then it's good, luck's probably on your side. What if you do good and instead of getting good from the equation

do good = get good

and instead of getting good, we either get nothing or worse, get bad. It's a sucky feeling really when good intentions are misinterpreted and misunderstood as something opposite. It's even worse if the misinterpretation and misunderstanding leads to negative reactions from others such that it ruins a lovely/moderate day.

There were times when these things happen that makes it just so tiring to just live and go through the day but with no other choice remaining, we sulk and drag out feet past the hours until we wake again the next day with hopes of forgotten past and better future.

Although I'm no emotionless 'freak', I tend to rationalise more than often when things go good/bad and came with the conclusion that it all lies in the mind. How so? Lets return to the equation and add one variable:

do good = get good + (unexpected)

Sometimes the unexpected outweighs the get good and brings us from happy to joy, elation and happiness of stratospheric proportions. The downside to it is that the unexpected can also drown us in misery or get us smacked down.

There's a (quote? saying?) "Expect the Unexpected" which we naturally frequently forget because the unexpected seldom appear. If we prepare for unexpected occurances, chances are, we would be better prepared for any setbacks that would arise from our actions but most importanly, we realise that life's not one big equation waiting to happen but rather a process of learning.

In "doing", lay low and switch off expectations. The lesser you expect, the calmer your heart beats.